I can relate on some level, because there are several things I've found in common with you. Except for me, technical interviews usually go much better when applying to smaller companies. I feel they aren't half as bad as some of the big tech giants out there. It's still anxiety inducing, but they're survivable.

There's no doubt that you'd bring a lot of value to the right team. And currently, the way that many teams search for value is deeply flawed. But don't feel bad, because would you really want to work on a team that doesn't know how to see your value? Hang in there and you'll eventually find what's the right fit for both parties.

Keep your head up, and I hope you stay positive. If you let the bad energy of rejection linger and kill your confidence, it's going to show in your interviews.

Also thanks for sharing your vulerabilities. This world values toughness, no complaints, and "only the best", but the truth is that we're humans first, programmers second.